What Role Does Emotional Intelligence Play in Effective Business Communication?

• Deprioritizing emotional intelligence has contributed to nationwide burnout
• Businesses that fail to focus on emotional intelligence will continue to struggle
• Work perks are quick fixes, not actual solutions for burnout and apathy
• Emotional intelligence is reciprocal, leaders need to model these skills

People are burnt out. Many of us are struggling with motivation. Most people no longer enjoy going to work. All of this has a direct impact on a business’ bottom line. 

There are many reasons for this and we’re awash in stories of how fried and apathetic so many people are, as well as how to deal with this negative shift in our culture. I, however, think most of these stories are missing the point, because they don’t actually understand the problem. Most articles jump to “solutions” and talk about things like creating incentives and competitive pay or better benefits. These perks are all nice but they’re just that, perks. They are not solutions. 

Perks are just quick ways for leaders to temporarily numb their employees’ feelings. There might be a temporary boost in morale, motivation and team output, but it won’t last because we’re only treating a symptom, not the actual illness. And once the perk-fueled novocaine wears off, our employees go back to feeling like shit and oftentimes, feeling worse than before. So what’s the actual illness, you ask? It’s simple: we’ve spent years unknowingly de-humanizing our daily interactions and work relationships by primarily focusing on efficiency and profit rather than the very things that make us human. The solution is much deeper than more PTO. 

I’ve written before that we are in a communication crisis because we have forgotten about the human in the business equation. But, we have reached a critical tipping point. How we communicate to our people matters and directly translates into dollars and cents and long term success because it is those people we need for our organizations to function. For our organization to be and remain successful, we need our people’s thoughts, creativity, and yes, I truly believe this, their emotions. The greatest innovation, creativity, motivation, and enjoyment is born from the things that make us human, and that includes feelings. I argue that the key to productive, creative, and resilient teams starts with emotional intelligence. 

But what does it really mean to have deep emotional intelligence? Most business leaders I speak with have an incredibly basic idea of this skill set and need a lot of coaching in this area. So let’s dive in and start with an accurate and detailed definition and description of EI and its dimensions. 

EI is a person’s awareness and ability to monitor their own and other people’s emotions, while also categorizing or labeling them correctly and thinking through how to appropriately respond based on that information. There are four dimensions that make up our levels emotional intelligence: 

1. Awareness of our own emotions 
2. Management of our own emotions 
3. Awareness of others’ emotions and 
4. Management of others’ emotions

The cool thing, from a research standpoint, is that a person’s EI can actually be measured. This means people can discover if they are as emotionally intelligent as they think they are and also what dimensions they need to work on most. And to be completely honest, most business leaders I work with realize they are not as emotionally intelligent when it comes to their work relationships as they think they are. 

So what should a business leader do to be more emotionally intelligent? To answer this, we have to go back to the dimensions and the behaviors associated with each. The first two dimensions focus on our awareness and management of our own emotions. This means we have to take a hard look in the mirror and think about whether we are as aware of our feelings as we think we are and think critically about how we manage those emotions. 

First, ask yourself these questions related to awareness of your own emotions:

1. How well can you explain or describe your emotions to your team? 
2. How comfortable are you talking with your team about the emotions you are feeling?
3. Does sharing how you’re feeling to your team make you feel better? 

Remember, your employees are not mind readers, and they don’t know what they don’t know. If you haven’t articulated how you feel and why, you have no one to blame but yourself if they are not taking your feelings into consideration. This requires vulnerability but on the other side of that is a path for support and change.    

The next set of questions are related to the management of your own emotions. These questions are sometimes the toughest for us to ask because this is where we start to realize we may be more of the problem than we realize. Ask yourself:

1. How well do you manage your response when you disagree with a coworker and are you respectfully disagreeing? 
2. When you’re frustrated with a co-worker, do you become overwhelmed with the frustration and do you stew on it? 
3. What about when there is a disagreement, do you consider all sides or just your own? 
4. Are you responding emotionally, and if so, why? 
5. Why do you have such strong feelings attached to this issue? 
6. How well do you know when your coworkers say something they don’t actually mean and is there a possibility you are mis-perceiving the situation? 

I am also not saying you shouldn’t feel what you feel, that is never the solution. EI starts with you understanding WHY you are feeling what you are feeling and these questions can help you with that discovery. Take a moment to be vulnerable with yourself and think about the why or the cause of these emotions and communicate that to your team. Also, try your hardest to not have any of these conversations via email or text. Hiding behind the screen is what got many of us here in the first place. 

The third and fourth EI dimensions are related to our awareness and management of others’ emotions. This is something many managers feel like takes up most of their days, which can be exhausting. These next set of questions can help. 

Here are questions to consider to better gauge if you are as aware of people’s emotions as you think you are and if you are managing them as well as you think you are: 

1. Are you paying attention to your employees’ and coworkers’ emotions and can you read their true feelings in a conversation? 
2. Are you looking for nonverbal signs like body language and facial expressions that provide insight to how they are actually feeling? 
3. Are you able to describe how you think they are feeling based on what you have heard and seen? 
4. When they do share how they are feeling, do you ask clarifying questions to ensure understanding rather than simply responding? 
5. Are you recognizing that the way you are outwardly showing emotion is contagious? If you are confident and enthusiastic they will be more likely to feel the same way. This goes for negative emotions too. 

There’s no way around this fact: humans feel things and feelings are very much part of work, whether we like it or not. Emotions cannot and should not be ignored. When leaders ignore their employees’ emotions, even when it’s a misunderstanding or an overreaction, it creates distrust. Perception is reality, and trust lives at the center of perception. If your employees perceive a situation as problematic, even if it’s not really a problem, that’s their reality and it creates an emotional response. Until you have a productive conversation that addresses those feelings, their reality will not be altered. 

Openly communicating is what emotionally intelligent leaders do. Address problems and negative feelings from the standpoint of understanding. And never say, “you shouldn’t feel that way.” The response in their head will likely be, “Well no shit Sherlock! But I do feel that way and you saying I shouldn’t doesn’t make it magically go away.” Let the questions I posed above guide your conversations and focus on gaining understanding. 

But here’s one of the most important aspects of emotional intelligence: EI is reciprocal. This means if leaders embrace EI and become more aware of their own emotions and how to manage them, their employees will likely do the same. Employees need a positive example to model, and that model should be their leader. If we continue down this de-humanized path of ignoring emotions, communication issues like burnout, lack of motivation, turnover and petty conflict will continue to be part of our daily routines resulting in loss of productivity and profit. 

So the first step in helping your employees manage their emotions is actively practicing awareness and management of your own emotions. Seeing their leader engage in emotionally intelligent behaviors gives your employees permission to do the same and it also gives them permission to feel and not be ashamed of those feelings. Emotional intelligence will re-humanize your organization and it will have a positive impact on organizational culture. And you guessed it, a positive, supportive, emotionally intelligent culture leads to more satisfaction, motivation, support, and productivity. Now that’s a real solution.